15 December 2008


"dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its powers."

this was told by a friend from high school, and probably one of the few quotes that ever came from any of my peers that actually has stuck and will stick with me for a long time. and though the quote is right in all aspects, realizing what your mistake was, and reassessing what you should change within yourself, is just as significant. otherwise, that mistake was done in vain.

yes, regret can occur and arrive in what seems like a burden that you refuse to accept; furthermore, constant reminders of how much of an idiot you are probably will go on continually until a great amount of time has passed by. nevertheless, depending on how big it is, it may stay with you for a while, and albeit it is bothersome, it can make you carry on a life-long lesson.

but damn.

now i need to find a way for this to stop bothering me. had i acted and realized the heaviness of the situation faster, i could have ceased something and much more, prevented something to happen. and although my superiors have already told me "at least you tried," it just doesn't fit well with me. i'm not looking to redeem myself, or to get brownie points from them, or anyone else for that matter...i just want to do my job.

people would usually let this dilemma go instantly and accept their mistake, but for some reason, this one is lingering in me quite a lot.

it's just that i need to assert my position. i need to perform in a way that the ideal person would have. it's not for the benefits, or for whatever advantage i may receive. it's for having that gratifying feeling of being able to contribute something.

we can't just sit back and expect to be the same person that we have been all our lives. that's idiocy and hypocrisy at the same time. as time passes by, as we encounter new things and accept new roles, there should be no excuse for no progression. the world in itself changes day after day, and if we continue to stay in the past, or much worse, regress, then the world will pass us by, and by the time we realize it, it would be harder to adapt to new things. we must accept that change is constant, and the only way not to get left behind is to evolve along with time. not necessarily to the same degree as how the world is...

because if going further is possible, why not?

ps. if anyone actually wants to know what happened, feel free to get at me.


Audio: Hostile Gospel (Deliver Us) Remix - Talib Kweli feat. Joell Ortiz, Blu and Nina Sky.